03/17/2010

Hey Dennis! Guess what day it is? How appropriate that St.Patty’s day is on port-0-let day this week. You know what the locals do for St.P’s? The bars all buy the cheapest, lightest, american swill they can get their grubby hands on THEN they load it down with enough green food coloring to make you pee green for a week. As if that weren’t enough they then jack up the price (except for the ladies of course … who get half off…. in more ways than one) pitch a tent blare music that isn’t remotely Irish, sell cheap nachos (Mexican Irish?) or buffalo wings (Texas Irish?), and have wet t-shirt contests (Florida Irish?). All those things are so traditionally Irish, eh? Cause all Americans know that if it aint drunkin debauchery painted greed THEN IT AINT IRISH! Can you imagine if we did something similar in celebration of, idunno, Desmond Tutu day? You racists. No pardon me while I go get a pint of REAL green beer, a shot of Irish whiskey, listen to some traditional Irish music, sing along (after a few more pints), eat corned beef-n-cabbage, and dance till my feet hurt. Oh, and kiss my tush cause I’m one quarter “real” Irish right off the boat. Nyah, nayh, nah, boo, boo.

Learn to make green beer at eHow

Now this is a REAL holiday!!! Happy St.Patrick’s day … I’m wearing protestant ORANGE while drinking my green beer!!

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